There is no substitute for physical exhaustion - oops - I meant physical exertion when it comes to keeping an old, decrepit and overweight body like mine in good condition. By good condition, I'm talking about the ability to get from the dining table to the bathroom and then to bed without too much outside help. There's a good reason Mr. Universe is usually in his mid twenties or thirties; a guy my age has trouble bench pressing the weight of the paperwork needed to enter the contest. I have totally given up winning the Mr. Universe title, and am diligently searching for a Mr. Buddha look-alike contest. I'll enter and win that one.
Even though my muscles normally sag instead of bulge, I still can depend upon them to perform well enough to cause my back to kill me. It happens every time I use them. That's why I'm trying to type this post while laying perfectly flat on my back, with several wonderful bluish pills spreading a soothing warmth throughout my innards.
I've told you guys before about the two and a half Birch trees I feared had shriveled and died. Well, the reality proved worse than the fear. All three of them refused to acknowledge the Spring season. Their branches were as barren this morning as they were in the middle of January. The other Birch on our property is a poster child for Springtime. It's newly sprouted leaves are greener than Ireland, and and are as numerous as Americans receiving food stamps. It was time to act. Something had to be done.
The something involved a chainsaw, shovel, 8' prybar and gloves. The chainsaw came first, and it's a good thing it did. The noise emanating from it's not so quiet muffler quickly produced a horde of interested supervisors, each with his own opinion of it's proper use. Usually I pointed to the earmuffs I was wearing, trying the let the well wishers know that not only did I not give one hoot about their suggestions, I also could not hear them.
There was, however, one person who had a labor saving idea. He asked what I planned to do with all the debris after the cuts were made and I was left standing waist deep in twigs, branches and trunks. I told him I was gonna bag everything and haul it off to the dump. He offered to cart it to his fire pit where it could be used as kindling and fire wood instead. Soon as he told me he'd do the hauling AND the pruning, the deal was cut. He hauled the dead branches away as fast as the inexpertly wielded saw could produce them. A short time later, I faced only three stumps in the ground.
Now, came the shovel and prybar. I tried that combination for several hours before giving up. The twelve year old roots went all over the place, and there was no way I was gonna dig them out. The chainsaw, still smoking, was laying on the patio. "Roots are just pieces of wood that are underground," I thought to myself, "I'll bet that chainsaw can help with this." So, I started cutting roots with the chainsaw.
Now those of you who have actually used a chainsaw know it dulls rather rapidly, and if it comes into contact with dirt and rocks, it dulls at once. Any operator worth his salt knows how to sharpen a chain with his trusty file and guide. That's how I got one stump out of the ground. Saw one root, sharpen the chain. Saw another root, sharpen the chain. After the roots around the trunk had been severed, the shovel and prybar worked. The stump was loaded into the wheelbarrow and rolled to the neighbor's fire pit.
Everything in my body hurts. Even the discarded pieces of toenails I clipped last night, before all this happened, are in pain. And, there are still two stumps left in the ground. I'm thinking I'll just leave them there and plant some bushes instead.
Well, my brother always told me that for every decade after 40, you need to add one day of recovery for every day of work. You know, 40-49, one day rest, 50-59, two days rest, etc. He should know as he's older than me by a decade. So, in three days you should be able to tackle another grove of trees or rockpile. I too have dulled many a chain until I discovered the miracle of a big rock, wrecking bar, and the winch on the front of my truck. Clear dirt from around stump, give each root one fair whack with an axe - enough to make a split, use wrecking bar to roll big rock right next to stump, attach straps around and under stump and over rock, hook up to winch, drape old mattress or other damping material over cable (reduces backlash if it all lets go), stand off to side and slowly winch in the cable which lifts the stump straight up if the rock was sized correctly. If it doesn't start moving right away, STOP before you send the shackle singing through your windshield. If you don't have a winch, I suppose you could use a come-along attached to a towing point on the guzzler. I had about 6 stumps from dead piñon and 10 big basalt rocks to dig out of my yard a while back. Didn't figure out this technique until about the 9th rock and 6th stump. Would have saved me about a collective month of recovery time and my toenail clipping wouldn't have ached. JR
ReplyDeleteThanks, JR. Didn't think to use the wench, and there's one right on the front bumper of dad's pickup. My barber also suggested using the sawsall instead of the chainsaw. He says one blade will do a whole stump! Much faster than sharpening the chain all day.
ReplyDeleteLike the sawzall trick! If it can be used to demo large parts of a house without changing too often, it oughta be a no-sweater with the roots.
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