Wednesday, May 18, 2011

6:00PM 5-21-11

The Rapture is coming in a little less than three days.  I can barely wait that long.  But, I'm not real sure I want to be near a graveyard when it happens 'cause an earthquake is going to uncover all the dead bodies and only the good folks are s'posed to start climbing ladders to Heaven.  The rest of them, including wall street bankers who stink up the place while still alive and even after a shower, will be left to further rot in the open air.  Harold says that - not me     

It's OK with me if the world ends a little early - all the long ago raptured Central American Indians forecast it will happen on Dec 21 of next year anyway, and for sure I don't want to have to put up with another election campaign.  Much better if it happens this week.  But, I'm just not ready for only a Rapture on Saturday.  I definitely prefer it to be the end of the world.  Not that I'm a bad guy, I just might be one of the few who is taken up.  It's just that I don't want to chance it, and, I haven't yet sent a check to Harold Camping to cover the cost of the ticket. 

I totally missed his first predicted date, Sept 6, 1994, 'cause I was busy at the time.  It never dawned on me to check with him about such things.  Well, he was wrong back then but I can still hope he'll come through this time.  And, with our more modern computers generating better special effects, it'll be way more awesome to watch these days.  Better still, with the much superior Internet in place now, there's even a little money to be made from the event.  There's a guy in New Hampshire who's selling "Pet Insurance" to potential Rapturee's.  http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/  He'll care for any pets that are left behind when the owners are carried away.  It's not a bad deal - for him or the True Believers.  He promises to care for the little fuzzballs for ten years after the event for only $135.00.  That won't even cover the cost of dog food, but I'm betting he'll do OK.

Well, I have to tell you my mind's resting a little easier since hearing of the coming apocalypse.  Before this morning I was worrying about the price of gas, lettuce and thick, juicy steaks.  Just how were we gonna be able to afford a vacation this year?  And, the darned election I don't want to go through again has already started.  Newt's in - Donald's out.  Idiots are throwing glitter at the candidates.  ALREADY!!! 

Yep.  That folded flier I found stuffed into my door when I opened it this morning completely eased my mind.  Only three more days of this BS to go. 

UPDATE:  I apologize to all you folks who googled 5-2-11 6:00PM. and wound up here by mistake.  I have had over six hundred hits on this post, and I'm sure none of you wanted to say hi. 

On the other hand, I'm not gonna change the title - it's too much fun watching how concerned people are about this.  My hat's off to you if in fact you make the trip, otherwise, I wish you well while suffering thorugh all this crap for many more years along with the rest of us. 





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2 comments:

  1. Forrest: this rapture is, apparently, for those who think that gay marriage is the end of the world. They assume that God agrees.

    This is how I see their rapture: If they are indeed rapted away, they'll find themselves ina clean afterlife paneled in white Formica with endless light muzak playing in the background. Everyone there will have dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's in the Old Testament, and left it at that. And it'll all be fine, but Jesus won't be there. Because he's in the other Testament. So they'll drink bad church coffee and eat stale cookies until the end of time with only their own company. I wouldn't call it heaven.

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  2. Darn it! Guess I'll miss this one - wrong belief system. That means I must suffer through yet another election.

    "Rapted." I like that word. Thanks, I've never heard it before.

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