Visiting Mom

It's a really good thing we have a couple of fairly new cars, the Guzzler and the Guzzler Deluxe.  That gives us a total of eight factory new tires we can wear out on our almost daily forty mile trip to Carolyn's sister's house.  We've been spending a lot of time there with Carolyn's mother.  She's enrolled in a hospice program, and Carolyn wants to be with her as much as possible. 

The drive and visits are taking a toll on Carolyn - she's not in the best of condition these days, but she continues with them.  Now, when her mom tires and naps for an hour or so in the middle of their talks, Carolyn also retires.  "Their talks" really is not an accurate description , Carolyn can barely be understood by a person with normal hearing, and Mom, even with a cheap Canadian government provided hearing aid, is darn near deaf.  But they sit close to each other, move their lips and touch.

It's a wonderful thing to watch, sad, but at the same time reassuring.  This is the way things were meant to be.  A loving daughter helping to comfort a dying mother.  I'm not real sure how often that sort of thing still happens.  Nursing homes are in business because offspring are too busy to care.  Alone and left to fend for themselves in a "state inspected and certified" facility is where a large percentage of folks will spend their last days.  Not so in Mom's case.  Both daughters are involved, as are both son in laws.  It's a family affair.

Just last year my family went through this ordeal so I know what is being faced.  Last year, I was the busy one while my father was dying.  My two brothers, one of whom was retired after being laid off a littler earlier than  he wanted to quit, and the other who was laid off a LOT earlier than he had planned, were able to help our mother with Dad's care.  Fortunately, I was able to pull out the car seats to make a bed upon which Carolyn could rest while we traveled to be with him during his last week on earth.

He knew all three of his sons were there, caring for him, during his final days, and I think his passing was easier because of that knowledge.  The last conversation he had before going into a coma from which he never awoke was with his only daughter, and she told him she was on her way home.  He died in peace, sure the love he gave the family he raised was returned. 

Carolyn and I both want her mom to be assured of the same love as she breathes her last,  and we will be there when it happens.  But, until then, we will put aside all the other things in our lives that keep us busy, and put her first.  Even though it requires Carolyn be lifted into bed each night because she no longer has the strength to climb into it after the tiring travel and time away from her home, she wants to be at her mother's side for as much as possible. 

It's one of a thousand reasons I married her - in her mind the comfort of a loved one comes first.  She asks little for herself.