Formicarium

Remember all those antfarm learning toys that first hit the scene around the mid fifties?  The real name for those things is "formicarium" and there are a whole bunch more of them around the joint these days than there are Chevy two door hardtops from the same era.  Talk about a cryin' shame - for sure it should have been the other way 'round.  I think it's because ol' Uncle Milton has made about 20 million more of his stuff than GM did since he started.

And, I can't spell it the same way he does, with a space between the third and forth letter, cause Uncle Milton is not a nice man.  He managed to trademark the way he spells antfarm and will vigorously sue any one foolish enough to talk about his product using the same language he uses.  Just ask Scott Adams.  He can tell you all about it.  Actually, he already did. 

After the Evil Uncle sued him, Scott asked the question "What else can you call a residence for ugly, vile little creatures?" or something close to that - I can't remember exactly - in his cartoon strip.  The answer, of course, according to Dogbert, was "Law School." 

I swear, every comic in the business can learn a thing or two from the Dilbert strip.  Mostly I have a sense of humor black enough to cause a nun to run grab every warm body in the convent so all of them together can pray for my soul, but he cracks me up about eighty percent of the time I read his work.  Pure Genius.

Anyway, I saw a school kid lugging one of the formicariums into his house after school today.  And you guys know just how little it takes to set me off on a wild spree to wear out my fingertips on my brand new keyboard.  That was plenty of stimulation. 

The first order of business was a search through all my childhood pictures to see if I could find one of me dipping a flattened straw through a crack in the one I owned way back when in hopes of providing an escape route for the little critters trapped inside the glass.  Yeah, I remember doing just that.  I've always been a hero.  Even to ants.

Of course there were no pictures; I'm sure my Mom would have yelped in horror at my act of kindness and then would have applied the camera to the side of my head in an attempt to instill a one step learning process that would prevent similar future attempts to help the weak.

I remember little of those days, probably because the of the bumps on my head.  It took great effort to teach me anything back then, and it's impossible for me to learn anything now. But don't worry, it's OK - I claim to know everything already so I really don't need to learn anything else. 

A psychoanalyst would be proud of the defense mechanisms I have constructed over the short span of my life time.  Very proud.  If any of you readers just happen to be in that business, give me a call.  The book will sell a million and I only want half.  

But, sadly, this post is 'sposed to be about ants and such so maybe I should get back to the topic.  Sorry to stray so far, but I'm getting old and I'll try any thing I can think of to get rich before I die.  It sure worked for Chris Costner Sizemore, again back in the 50's, when the Chevy's were really cool.  She even got a movie deal out of it.

I remember the good old days to have been much better than they really were; I think it's a fairly common proclivity.  And the memory I have of my very own antfarm is one of amazement at just how hard those little suckers worked.   That's the way to do it, I thought - work hard and build something. 

It turns out my poor little antfarm was just a pimple on what real ants could do.  If ya have three minutes and want to see what those little devils are capable of accomplishing,  take a look.  Let me give you a warning first, though.  You're gonna have to turn the volume ALL the way up to hear anything at all.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2381967/worlds_biggest_ant_hill_amazing/

So anyway, I have been an Ant for most of my life. Sure, there have been times I grew long legs and fiddled, but for the most part, an Ant.  Thing is, I also learned something else during my youth.  I read a book titled "Aesop's Fables" and there was a story in it about an ant.  And about a grasshopper.

I've looked around now and see no reason to continue being an ant.  I've put away the stores I need for Winter and now it's time to be a grasshopper.  I know the world is a mess but there's little I can do to change it.  I'll dance to Nero and his fiddle if there is nothing else.  Music, Dago Red and cheese.  Lots of cheese and every now and again, a pepper - Jalapeno is best.

Here's a start.  ANT FARM!!!  OK, Uncle Milton,  I said it.  Go ahead and sue!