Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Washing Clothes

Laundry is a chore.  But, since Carolyn and I sorta like wearing clean clothes on a mostly daily basis, and since our yearly clothing budget is no more than dollars measured in the VERY low four digit range, we use the washer and dryer a lot in this nailed together abode.  I have been blessed most of my life in that someone else always sorted, loaded, and punched the various buttons on the machines so they produced clean garments, but lately that's changed.

Sure, there was a time during my college years when I managed my laundry without help, but back then nobody really cared if white clothes got mixed up with colored ones.  As long as the underwear didn't come out of the machine in one of several shades of pink, everything was OK.  Toss it in, listen for the noise and vibrations to stop, transfer to the dryer and repeat.  Nothing to it.  An hour and a half at the coin operated Laundromat every week took care of the dirty business.  Besides, there was always the off chance that the girl of your dreams would be doing her wash at the same time and a match made in heaven would somehow fall into your lap.  It happens all the time on the TV, usually in the ads, but I can report that even after more time than it should have taken to complete the college experience, it never happened to me.   

From what little I can remember of those days, everything was easier than it is now, and the laundry is no exception.  Once again I have found myself in charge of performing this task.  And, not only must I wash my clothes, Carolyn adds hers to the basket and somehow the number of sheets and towels we use have multiplied six or eightfold from my college days.   Whoa!  Wait just a minute! 

Now that's a fascinating observation, and one that I just now noticed.  How did that happen?  I'm sure I got much dirtier back then - I played outside a bunch more than now, and got into messes that I'm sure have decreased as the square of my age increased.  Just exactly why is it I use more towels?  I'm gonna have to think about that a little more, but don't worry, I'll do it on my time, not yours.  If you can, though, please help me out with this.  Let me know if you use more towels now.  OK?

Also, the machines these days are a lot smarter than I am.  Girls already know this, but guys, have you looked at all the knobs, switches, settings and temperature controls on these outrageous computer guided and overwhelming behemoths lately?  I firmly believe that if I were in college today, I would be able to figure out how to write a term paper and print it out using nothing more than the chips in a washing machine.  I probably wouldn't even have to take it apart to get to the chips.  I'm betting there's a setting to do that. 

There used to be only soap and bleach.  Don't get me wrong,  those things still survive, but there's also softener, bleach for colors, stain removers, drop in doohickeys that rumble around and massage the dirt away, little squares of anti-static stuff, and boxes and bottles of crap I moved one thousand miles from our old laundry room to this place that I have no clue about.  The directions on the boxes might just as well be written in Sanskrit.  I'm pretty sure there are not more than two or three dozen people in all of creation who understand how to use the product, and those folks are the ones who write the instructions.  They knew what they meant to say, but no one else understands.

All of these wonderful modern improvements have mostly served to add to the amount of junk that must be contained in the up to date American laundry room, and to the price of the equipment.  Dirty clothes are, after all, just dirty clothes.  Just like back in the day.  As long as Carolyn isn't looking, I wash the clothes with just soap if it's a load of colored fabrics, and with soap and bleach if it's a white load.  Period.  If she is around, I add crap and turn knobs until I think she's good with it.

Maybe you noticed, but just in case ya didn't, I'm gonna point it out to you 'cause I'm really proud that my technique has improved with age.  I make sure I separate the whites from the colored these days!

2 comments:

  1. We don't have anything white except underwear; so we still do laundry the old, old fashioned way -- whites vs. everything else, no bleach or other stuff. Take the shirts and outerwear out of the dryer while they're still slightly damp and hang them up, and mostly you can get away without ironing. Which I do rarely. I've got a dirty shirt in the bottom of the hamper that's been there for two months because it's one of the few that need ironing, and I don't want to.

    As for why there seems to be so much more laundry: women use two full-sized towels after every bath or shower; one for head, one for body. That's part of it, anyway. I've tried to talk Rhumba into the male system, but she considers it careless and unhygenic. She has the same opinion of myself sometimes, I'm sure, but she thinks I'm cute so we get past that.

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  2. Well, Boomer, you certainly helped with that vexing problem. Double usage by the female member of our household would go a long way towards explaining the increase. Blast it! I was hoping to spend the better part of an evening and root beer float pondering that knotty siituation.

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