Neil Sedaka almost got it right when he sang "Breaking up is hard to do." The correct version, the one he did not record, is "Getting old is hard to do." After a while, life really does turn into a comedy if you let it. If you don't let it, ya better reach for your gun, point it at your head and pull the trigger. Twice.
Take, for instance, a guy I know who lives a few miles down the road. Talk about having a starring roll in a comedy series, this guy should win an Emmy. Or whatever they hand out these days. An Oscar?
He lives in his humble abode with his mother, his wife's mother and now a wife who has one of her legs in a cast. It's a good thing he's younger than everyone else in that joint. He needs to be younger to survive. The bad part is he just quit smoking and if you ask anyone who just quit, they'll tell you life is not good. Even with a houseful of straightmen to your standup routine.
His wife's mother, bless her heart, is stone deaf and can't remember that she has a hearing aid much less remember where she left it. My buddy's in charge of finding it. His mom is going deaf and is trying to get used to her new hearing aids. She hates them and loses them on purpose. He's is in charge of finding them. To keep both moms occupied they've turned the pool table into a more or less permanent jig-saw puzzle platform. It's kinda fun to watch his mom and his wife locate pieces that fit together and as soon as their backs are turned, to see his wife's mom try to help by pulling them apart, accidentally dropping some of the pieces on the floor as she tries to fit them elsewhere, and once on the floor, to take note of just which one of the three dogs grabed and started to chew them. Did I tell you he's in charge of recovering the pieces from the dog and ironing them straight?
He also is in charge of getting the bills in the mail on time but if he puts the mail out too early Mom will beat the mailman to it. She is happy to retrieve it for him and put it where she knows it belongs, on the kitchen table. That way he'll be sure to see it - after the mailman has come and gone - in plenty of time to put out for pick up the next day. Of course, Mom will bring it back tomorrow too.
Don't forget the vacuuming. He gets lots of help from Mom with that chore. She loves cookies but deals with the crumbs that wind up mostly in her lap by standing up where ever she happens to be and dusting them off onto the freshly vacuumed floor. It would drive a lesser man to drink.
He feeds the dogs every morning and night. But, for the last several months they have been passing something back and forth which leaves them with loose stools. To combat this he cooks and mixes rice with the food. Of course the Labradoodle is picky and won't eat at dinner time. She's on her own schedule so he feeds the dogs at separate times.
His wife is a gem. She works all day and even now, injured foot and all, she's on the laptop trying to keep up with the unending workload. Her company was nice enough to give her a LAN connection so she could use that laptop at home. I think it's supposed to help her foot recover. I can't think of any other reason they'd do that for her, can you?
She also has a starring role in the theater company. Her sense of humor is helping everyone in the house get through this difficult time. She keeps everyone in good spirits and is the lubricant that allows most of the stuff that happens to just slide on by.
They found the spiffiest little scooter she rests her leg on to get around and she uses her good foot to zip from one room to another. You should see her go as she chases one of the other dogs that loves to chew up slippers, blankets and EVERYTHING else that manages to wind up on the floor.
The other day Mom wanted to watch a movie so my buddy's wife put it in the DVD player. About ten minutes into the movie Mom asked if she could watch a movie. Go figure. Mom's an adorable little lady and keeps us all on our toes.
There's lots of love and laughter around that place. If I knew a producer or even a stage hand that could help with a new reality show we'd all be filthy rich. Seinfeld has nothing on this crew. It would have to be a daily show, there's too much action for a once a week kinda thing. For now, we have all the entertainment to ourselves and don't have to share with anyone. One of these days, if we live long enough, we're gonna look back at this and remember these were good times
Most of the folks our age I know are having to deal with similar problems. We're just not equipped to handle life's trials at our age if we leave out the humor. I always thought it got easier when retirement rolled around but I'm finding even sitting on the toilet is harder. Prune juice rocks!
UPDATE: My buddy informs me that if it is a "3D" puzzle piece it can't be ironed after the dog tries to fit it. It must be glued and clamped. American inovation in action folks!
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