We have come to realize Carolyn's condition does not gradually deteriorate. Instead she experiences a plateau and then a sudden decrease in her abilities as the condition spreads and attacks a new area of her brain. That relatively fast drop in ability is then followed by a new, lower level of functionality which remains fairly stable until the disease again spreads.
Several weeks ago she experienced such a drop in her abilities, and we thought it had stabilized. But that was not the case. This time, the drop of several weeks ago has not yet stabilized, and after another series of falls which resulted in another trip to the emergency room for x-rays and medications, I know that I now must be at her side every time she moves around.
This means the only time I have to complete the mundane chores required to keep our home running is during the time she is resting. I used to do these things while she moved around on her own.
The time our Good Lord gives me each day has remained exactly the same, and the change in Carolyn's needs requires a change in my activities. Something must be given up, and as much as I hate to do it, one of the things I've chosen to cede to her disease is this small space of ours.
Maybe in another five years or so, after Carolyn has been released from this burden she must deal with, I will continue the blog. But for now, I must leave it.
Thank you for sharing your time and comments with me. And, thanks for putting up with my petty rants. I've enjoyed your company.
I enjoyed your company for the short time I knew of it.
ReplyDeleteBest to you. Just remember that the best of times never last and neither do the bad times.
My wife of 32 years died of a disease that I had never heard of. One of those multitude of auto-immune diseases. The pain of that loss is still with me after 18 years. I think of her many times everyday. I got lucky and found another companion that has brought joy to my life. The joy I have with this woman does not make me forget the wonderful woman I spent those 32 year with.
May you find such luck/joy.
Oh Forrest I am so sorry. For you and for us, not being able to read what is on your mind and in your heart. I hope you will find a way to change your mind ... should things ease up for you both. It is part of my nightly ritual to check to see what you have written. I shall truly miss you. Take good care of both of you. And come back when/if you are able. We will all be here ready to sit at your feet (not literally, you understand) and listen to your stories and your wisdom. Dang. Now my night is ending on such a sad note. Perhaps a bit of JD is required at a time like this.
ReplyDeleteForrest, I read your latest news with dismay for both you and Carolyn. I wish you both the best, and I know that's a feeble wish in the face of what has come. I think about the same thing down the road for Rhumba; I worry about staying in good shape for as long as she needs me; and I suspect that's yet another worry that crosses your mind as well.
ReplyDeleteI will miss visiting in your space and reading what you have to say -- you really are a fine blogger. But you're welcome to come by mine anytime you can and chew the fat. You've got my email, and I've got yours.
I never know what to say at times like these. I'm not a hugger -- but consider yourself hugged.
Boomer (have to post anonymously, new firewall at work won't let me sign on to Google).
I'm sorry to hear Carolyn's disease is still stealing away her abilities. Hang in there old buddy. Let me know if there's anything any of us can do from here, and know that we will be here to listen when you have the time or need the free ear.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading your blog Forrest. My prayers are with you and Carolyn. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. We will be thinking about you. Mike and Fran
ReplyDeleteForrest,
ReplyDeleteI am familiar with what you write. It is sad beyond sadness and worthy of screaming rants at the injustice of it.
It is going to be hard but you already knew that. Peace my friend.
Steve