Our combination burglar alarm/pile producer has done it again. And, his timing could not have been better. These things could only happen in real life, never during the entire life cycle of a civilization could an author make up such stuff.
For several months I have been promising our friendly and very helpful neighbors a "Victory Celebration and Dinner" to be held at a date of my choosing, as soon as I was certain the war with my dog Muffy had been won by the smarter and larger of the warriors.
In one corner was the obvious winner - at 236 pounds and an IQ surpassing that of even the most intelligent of orangutans. In the far corner, a mere mongrel dog, weighing 8 pounds and possessed of an IQ of, well, a cur. No contest, right? Well, for the first several months, he put up a great fight. Overcoming one after another obstacle placed in his path to freedom by none other than the larger of the contestants, Muffy gained his freedom to roam at every opportunity.
Ever certain of the latest barrier, Carolyn and I would leave for a well deserved break from tossing balls and picking up poop only to return to a note from a neighbor. "I have Muffy. He can be ransomed by calling 541-316-XXXX and the promise of a ticket for a seat at the Victory Celebration." Yes, sadly the entire neighborhood was aware of the battle, and all of them knew who was losing. I was in danger of becoming a laughingstock. The butt of the joke. The guy you claimed not to know because he was not as smart as his dog.
Finally, I tired of using rocks, bricks and earthen berms to imprison him. I called upon Thor, the God of lightning and electricity. With His aid, I charged a wire and ran it around the outer boundary of the space Muffy, in my opinion, is allowed to inhabit. The wire was set to deliver a friendly reminder to him that he had reached his limit every time he came in contact with it. It worked.
For two months we would leave the house and return to a very happy, tail wagging bundle of energy. I started to swagger a little. Well, actually I started to strut. Anyone watching as I passed would turn to their companion and whisper, "There goes a winner. You can tell it in his walk." Charlie Sheen, eat your heart out!
I was, in fact, such a winner, I really needed to have a better looking back yard in which I could host "The Dinner". That required me to lay a bunch of sod, which just happened to bring ME into contact with Thor's handiwork. I managed to touch that stinkin' wire several times - and it was not very pleasant at all. "Muffy's learned where he belongs," I said to myself, "I stand a much better chance of living through this latest project if I disconnect the wire."
I did. Yeah, I did both. I disconnected the wire and I lived the see the end of the project. The invitations went out Tuesday and everyone responded in the affirmative. All the neighbors would be here today, Friday, at 5:30, for the Victory Celebration.
Carolyn wanted to get her hair done for the doings, and I needed to shop for steaks, potatoes and corn. You should try my Mexican corn on the cob sometime, but that has nothing to do with this. We left the house this morning, Carolyn to the beauty shop and me to Fred Meyers, and returned a little less than two hours later.
You guessed it. I had forgotten to plug Thor back in and there was a note on the door. "I have Muffy. I'll bring him over to the celebration."
Of course the escape was mentioned to all the attendees, and everyone decided Muffy had won. At least the food was good.
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