Lawn Envy

I pulled a bunch of weeds from the flower bed in front of our home today.  That's something I'd never have done in New Mexico.  Anything at all that was green in that place was something I considered a treasure, and too valuable a life form to kill.  Here, in Oregon, anything in the flowerbed that produces blooms not suited to vases on the dinning table, or in the lawn area with leaves wider that the average blade of grass,  must be annihilated.  Tout de suite.

How is it my outlook regarding plant life was so easily altered?  I'm still the mostly kind, caring person I was last year, but now I'm a certified killer, trained in the use of a backpack sprayer.  Low, ground hugging, yellow blossoms in and along the edges of my lawn cringe and close up, in hopes of hiding their offensive color in a sea of deep green, trying to avoid the stream of Round Up and the sharp blade of my trusty garden trowel.  Even the unruly hedge bushes fear my passage. 

They know I just may duck into the garage and re-emerge with my electric trimmer and a coil of extension cord guaranteed to reach far beyond their location.  With a pull on the trigger, I am capable of maiming the branches that reach beyond their brothers, and forcing order and compliance with size and shape upon them.  I was even worse during the months of last winter. 

During those cold days, I patrolled with a lopper and saw,  terrorizing branches on the trees in our yard that pointed toward the ground instead of the sky.  That''s the best time of year to develop the art form of maiming and killing plants.  All the neighbors are warm in their houses, with the blinds and drapes closed against the winter chill, and can not see and report a person who is armed with sharp blades of varying size and function, running amok amongst the flora surrounding his home. 

By the time the neighbors noticed the order I had created during the winter months,  it was too late.  They realized just how powerful and cruel I am, and declined to press the issue.  Instead, I now find them showing the same obsessive cruelty around their domains.  I imagine it is in hopes of impressing me; it could never be because they also enjoy life in a home surrounded by a neat, orderly lawn.

Lawn envy at it's finest.  Each neighbor vying to have the most perfect lawn and flowerbeds.  It's also the best way in the world for a newbie to get to know the folks beside him.  All I need to do is compliment someone on his lush, green lawn and ask about the fertilizer he uses.  Within an hour we are well acquainted.

And, a neighborhood afflicted with lawn envy is so much easier on the eyes than one without the curse.