Carolyn's oldest son is coming to visit with her tomorrow. He lives with his family in the great lakes area of New York, so they see each other less often than they would like. Carpentry, plumbing and roofing in residential construction kept him busy for years, but he had to change careers awhile back.
Times are tough in that area, as they are almost everywhere, and he's had to adjust to a much lower paying job, maintaining the buildings and equipment of an assisted living facility instead. He works harder and for many more hours than he did before, and he does it for less money. About the only relief he's had lately is his family has gotten a little smaller. His oldest daughter graduated high school and joined the Coast Guard. One less mouth to feed, but before his forced career change, she had planned on college. That's been delayed for her, but she has a stiff upper lip. "After my enlistment," she says, "I'll be eligible for a college benefit." I hope that's still true several years from now.
He has not seen his Mother for the last several years, and the first meeting has me a little concerned. He's aware of her condition, and they talk on the phone so he knows how the disease has affected her speech. But, nothing can prepare him for what he is going to see when he steps into the terminal and she's there to greet him. His memories of her four years ago are of a nimble dancer, quick on her feet and in her wit.
All that has changed, she can no longer walk on her own, can not focus her eyes, and has trouble with the most mundane of tasks. I've been through "The First Sight" before - with her youngest son. And even though he had been better prepared, and only 14 months had passed since their last visit, tears were the order of the day. Tomorrow is going to be rough on him, and I feel sorry there is nothing I can do to ease the way for both of them.
You see, I understand what it's like to live a thousand miles or more from a slowly dying parent. It happened in my life just last year. Torn is the word, that is what will happen to him. He will be torn. His family is in New York. His family is in Oregon. He needs to be in both places and can not be.
We now travel all our lives, living first here, then there, looking for work, a better life - what have you. This is a new way of life for our species. We used to travel in search of a better life with our family and our tribe alongside us. Family and friends were there for the entire journey, not just for a few years. That no longer happens, and it's taken a toll on us as human beings and as a society.
We are no longer complete human beings, we're torn. All of us, to one degree or another, and it's not a good thing at all. It allows us to be mean to others because we no longer belong to a tribe. We're individuals, and can do as we wish, not as we need to do to survive and maintain membership in the human community. There's a whole book that can be written about this, but do me a favor. Think about it a little on your own.
Have we been torn to the point we're only half human?
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