Ya Gotta Eat

Have you gone grocery shopping lately?  I went today and I'm telling you, it's a good thing I know the phone number to my credit card company and just happened to have had my wife's mobile phone with me. That's right, I wanted to buy a head of lettuce and a tomato so I called and had my credit limit raised.   It's a good thing my FICO score is in pretty decent shape.  I hate being hungry.

The lettuce was 3.98 for one shriveled looking head.  The tomato was 2.99 per pound but since I bought one tomato I have no clue what it really cost.  Did I buy a pound?  A pound and a half?  It was a pretty big tomato.  I wonder why they sell an ear of corn by the each but sell tomatoes by the pound?  And please, don't get me started on the price of an ear of corn.  I'll start asking you to tell me why the government thinks it's cool to burn corn in our cars instead of in our bodies and I'm not sure there's anyone smart enough to answer that.  Not even you.  I know I can't.

So what did I do about it?  Instead of getting upset with subsidized ethanol, I started planning a way to subvert the governments effort to drive me to the poor house, or at least into a smaller sized pair of jeans.  I happen to think I look just fine wearing Cowboy Cut Wrangler jeans with a 30 inch inseam and a 38 inch waist size.  At least I look successful.  At 3.98 for a head of lettuce it takes a lot of success to wear jeans that big.

I'm gonna plant a garden!  I stomped around the back yard and found the perfect spot for it.  The yard faces westsouthwest so it's almost right - someone once told me I needed a southwest exposure for the best results in a cold climate.  I figure I can put it right next to the house and cover the plants at night to keep heat in and freezing temps out.  I should be able to extend the growing season by several weeks if I do this. 

Also, I'm gonna buy a bunch of Ball jars, lids and what all so I'll be able to can any excess I have and eat it all winter long.  I already possess the proper pressure cooker to make it happen.  I'll have to build more shelves in the garage so I can store the vast quanities of food I'm gonna grow.  Or maybe I'll just toss the forty year old trophies from my failed Sports Car Racing career.  They've been packed since the Lord left mount Sinai shortly after speaking with Moses and I've mostly forgotten what they look like anyway.  That'll free up enough space to store a winters worth of food.

So.  Here's the plan.  First I'll go buy a bunch of seeds and a couple of those starter trays with 48 or however many little individual cells so I can start the seeds indoors.  I'll also have to check out a library book or two to tell me when to plant them.  I already have a bunch of potting soil I carted a thousand miles from our old home in New Mexico.  Might as well use it for something.  Next I'll wait to see if the seeds turn into plants.  If they do, I'll tear out some ornamental shrubs that are in the bed next to the house and transplant my baby seedlings. 

If the seedlings actually grow and produce real food, we'll eat what we can.  Then I'll buy the canning supplies and make another trip to the library.  Only after that will I toss the trophies and thumb my nose at our governments puny effort to bankrupt me.  Ha!  That'll show them!

What can possibly go wrong?