A little item in today's news caught my attention. Remember when the lady sued McDonald's because the coffee was too hot and won a fair amount of bucks from the greasy spoon? Well, they're at it again. In the great modern tradition of today's newscast, FLASH! BREAKING NEWS!!! HAPPENING NOW!!!!!!!
Today some woman sued McDonald's 'cause the toys they put into the bag with the food have hooked her kids on fast junk food. Maybe I got it backwards and they're hooked on junk fast food. I'm not sure it matters much because either way they're getting fat JUST because Md's ads and toys have brainwashed them. Now, I just might agree that the food there is maybe a little less healthy than the tatter tots in the frozen foods section of the corner grocery store, but the first thing that flashed across my junk food altered mind was a line of tricycles, powered by a bunch of four and five year old fat kids, stretching from beneath the golden arches all the way to a horizon twenty or so miles distant. Every last one of the rotund kids was clutching a wad of dollar bills that had been stolen at gunpoint from little old ladies at the local shopping mall.
I mean, how else could the toddlers have gotten there? Certainly the mother, who was upset enough to sue, would not have ever loaded them into the car and waited in the drive through while the tykes placed their orders. And even if the small fry had pointed the gun at their mom and demanded transportation from her, someone had to pay for the cheesy fartdogs. I'm betting the suit gets tossed, and I hope she gets to pay the court costs. I don't want my tax dollars used for such stuff.
Something like this has a curious effect on my idle brain, it sends me to the Internet for a bunch of similar incidents. So, fellow travelers, you're gonna get subjected to a barage of stupid lawsuits. You should sit back and enjoy, or leave now. Nothing of any earth shattering importance will follow.
A cleaner in Michigan stole what she thought was a large candle from the condominium she had cleaned. Later that day she she lit her candle. Turns out it was not a candle, but instead was a monster firecracker, and when it blew, the woman was severely injured. She sued the owners for not putting a warning on it. She lost.
Robert Brock sued himself for $5 million. He contended he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the pokey for 23 years. Suing yourself might not be the best way to gain money, but since he worked at the jail, he was hoping his jailers would pay any award. He lost.
Prisoner's must have a lot of time on their hands. Another one sued the prison cafeteria for his flatulence. He claimed that his wind was caused by prison food. He lost.
A drunk lady accidentally backed her car into Galveston Bay. She was too drunk to figure out how to undo the seat belt and drowned. Her passenger wasn't quite as drunk, got hers undone and made it to shore. The parents sued the car company for making a seat belt their drunken daughter (her blood alcohol level was .17) couldn’t figure out. They lost.
The list goes on and on. What do most of them have in common? They clog up the court calender, cost money, and are usually lost. But, every now and then, someone wins.
I'm thinking I just may have a pretty good case myself. A week or so after pulling a bunch of garden hoses out of a box and leaving it in the middle of the floor, I caught the toe of my shoe in the mess and tripped. Not much was wounded except my pride, but that's worth something, don't you think? Maybe a couple of million or so. I'm pretty sure the garden hose was made in China. We all know those guys cut corners, so I must have a pretty good chance of winning this one!
Anyone know a good lawyer?
Forrest, I've been around a courtroom and have not been impressed. S
ReplyDeleteSmart people who have a good case -- or who see that the case against them is good -- usually settle just before the trial. Nobody really wants to go to trial; too much time and money, and who knows what a jury might do?
Ninety percent of the civil cases that go to trial go there because one or both parties are too foolish to settle and spare themselves the grief.
Or because the plaintiff doesn't have a case and doesn't want to see it -- or their lawyer is hungry, and is hoping for just the right jury that will rule that the homeowner is at fault if a burglar trips and falls while breaking into his house. Because you never know what a jury might do.
Remember: they call it a court of law, not a court of justice.
Nothing to add to that, big guy, you said it all.
ReplyDelete